Birthday Madness
by Icewind Alchemist
Summary: It's Rukia's birthday! But before anyone can celebrate, they must face a Mary-Sue, plot holes, disclaimers, writer's block, and a not so evil guy. WARNING! Contains Doctor Who references and insanity.


**Title: **Attack of the Mary-Sue

**Author: **Icewind Alchemist

**Rated: **T for…you should know!

**Disclaimer:** I only own myself and the OCs. If I owned "Bleach," "The Book of Bunny Suicides," or "Doctor Who," would I be writing Fanfiction?

**Summary: **A mary-sue, OCs, Plot Holes, dysfunctional Daleks, and…a phone booth? Not the sort of thing expected on Rukia's birthday.

**Note: **Due to the problems my computer has been giving me (glares), I decided to make this story a one-shot. Better that than being late!

Anyways, since my last fan fiction my sister has become a huge Who fan, so I decided to incorporate it into the story just because. FYI, I'm not that big of a fan-I just listen to her talk about it and occasionally watch an episode with her. So if I get anything wrong, let me know.

So onwards!  
O0O

"Gah! Three exams in one day!" Icewind Alchemist muttered angrily while writing. "Good thing my Graphics Final isn't too hard..."

"Um…Icewind?" A red-haired boy popped his head through the door. His gray eyes looked worried. "What are you doing? I thought you were studying…"

"I don't study-the last time I did I failed miserably." The authoress replied. "So it's like reverse psychology-if I DON'T study, I'll do well. And this," she held up the paper with a flourish. "is a Character Sheet for a Mary-Sue!"

"A Mary-Sue?!" The boy jumped back, putting his pointer fingers together like a cross. "B-But I thought you swore never to make those for your story!"

"Ah, but this isn't for the story, Noah." Icewind cackled. "THIS is for a Death Note story. Yumi here is extremely in love with Light, and with the special charm I added to her, he won't resist her!"

"But I thought you hated Light!" Noah pointed out.

"Exactly! That's why I also made it that anyone who is with Yumi will suffer painfully! Light will be too infatuated to leave her, and Yumi won't be able to figure out that she's the cause of his misery!" Now the authoress was laughing evilly, forcing her OC to back away slowly.

At that moment, someone threw open the bedroom door, rushed in, and shut it close. He took a few deep breaths before turning around. His eyes widened.

"How the Hell did I end up here?!" Ichigo sputtered.

"Why should I know?!" Icewind shot back. "I didn't want you here! What are you doing anyways?!"

"Getting away from yaoi fangirls." The substitute shinigami replied with a shudder. "I'd rather take on Kenpachi again than face them." He looked around again. "By the way, where's Ian?"

Noah waved.

Ichigo stared.

So Icewind explained. "In a sense, Noah IS Ian. I revised the character awhile ago due to changes in the story. And when that happens, the OC changes, but they still have memories of what happened before-at least outside the story."

"It's like the Doctor and his regeneration ability!" Byakugan-Wolf burst in (randomly-as she always does), making everyone jump. "By the way, Sis. Today's January 14th."

Icewind was silent for a minute. Then, horror spread across her face. "OH MY GAWD!!!! RUKIA'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY!!!!" She began tearing the room apart for a suitable birthday present.

Noah glanced over at Ichigo. "Did you get her something?"

"Yeah-I managed to buy a 'Book of Bunny Suicides' before the fangirls spotted me." Ichigo explained.

"'The Book of Bunny Suicides?!'" Noah sputtered. "Are you insane?! She'll kill you if you give that to her!"

"Than what should I get her?!"

Suddenly, a dark figure jumped through a plot hole into the room. He through a block onto Wolf, who screamed when it landed on her.

"ACK! A WRITER'S BLOCK!" She tried to pull it off, but it was stuck tight. The figure pushed her through the plot hole they came out of before turning their attention back to the remaining occupants.

"Hey! Why'd you do that?!" Noah shouted. The figure shrugged.

"Because I'm evil." They replied. Everyone did an epic face palm. During that momentary distraction, the figure ran over to the character sheet Icewind was working on and scribbled something on it. "Now you shall see my true evilness! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" The figure then disappeared in a puff of smoke. When everyone was done coughing, Noah glared at the spot the figure was before.

"That was NOT an evil laugh!" he snorted. "And what did he do to the Mary-Sue?"

"Excuse me," a sweet, melodious voice sang. Icewind's eyes widened in horror at the new occupant.

A girl stood in the middle of the room. Her lavender hair cascaded down to her knees and violet cat ears twitched on her head. Deep sapphire orbs held a sense of infinite kindness, yet a hint of melancholy. She wore a light pink kimono with red floral designs.

She walked over to Noah. "Are you my love?"

"W-What?!" The OC jumped back. "Hold on a sec, lady! I'm not-"

The girl smiled. "I knew it! You are my destined lover! I am Sakura Kamiyumi." She drew closer to Noah, who kept backing away.

"Icewind! A little help here?!" he yelped when Sakura jumped on him and began attempting to kiss him. "I don't wanna be with a Mary-Sue!"

"Hmm...so that guy must've changed Sakura's love interest to Noah..." Icewind murmured to herself. "Good thing I made it so that her phermones only affect Light-otherwise Noah would be singing a different tune."

"That's just great!" Noah shouted, pushing the Mary-Sue away. "Now how about making her love Light?!"

"That's the problem!" Icewind sighed. "There's a disclaimer on the character sheet, so I can't change it! Wolf could, though..."

"Then get her!" Ichigo admonished while holding Sakura back. "Shouldn't she be back by now?!"

"Not while she has a writer's block on her. It prevents the use of her powers."

"ARGH!!!! NO! I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!" Noah screamed as the Mary-Sue escaped from Ichigo's grip and embraced the poor OC.

"It's alright, Noah-kun!" Sakura cooed. "Once we kiss, nothing can seperate us!"

"Umm...that's what he's trying to escape." Ichigo muttered.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Just as the Mary-Sue was about to kiss poor Noah, something began to appear in the room. Within about a minute, a blue police call box stood in the crowded space. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look. The doors opened and out came-

"SIS!" Icewind cried. "You came back!"

Wolf smiled. "Of course, silly!" she poked her head back into the call box. "Thanks for the lift! Could you stick around a little longer, it'll be worth your while! I promise!" There was someone replying, but no one could hear what they were saying.

Noah used the distraction to get away from Sakura and ran out of the room.

"Where are you going, my love?!" Sakura cried out, attempting to follow him but was intercepted by Ichigo.

"Good job! Just keep her there while we modify her character sheet." Icewind and Wolf turned to the sheet, scratched out a few things, and rewrote them.

Sakura stopped her pursuit. "Wha...Where's my Light-kun?" she asked in a daze.

"In here." Icewind opened up a plot hole to let the Mary-Sue join her "destined lover."

Only when Sakura completely disappeared did Noah creep back into the room. "Finally she's gone..." he sighed with relief. "So...what about Rukia's birthday?"

"That's why I asked the Doctor to stay here a little longer!" Wolf explained. "In the meantime...PARTEKS!"

A bunch of robots entered the room. They looked a lot loke salt shakers except for a few differences-one was a stick coming out of the top with what looked like an eyepiece. The others were a clawed hand, something that looked like a drink dispenser, and a party hat on top. **"YES?"**

"Prepare the party area!" Wolf shouted while she went into the Tardis.

**"AFFIRMITIVE. PREPARE PARTY AREA." **As soon as the Tardis disappeared, the Parteks set off for the living room. **"DECORATE. DECORATE. DECORATE."**

As soon as Ichigo and Noah came out of their daze, they too scrambled around to get presents and cook food. "By the way, Icewind." Noah asked. "Why didn't Wolf use a plot hole?"

"Well, she's a 'Doctor Who' fan..." Icewind mused. "So she probably prefers to take advantage of this opportunity."

O0O

By the time the Tardis reappeared, the decorations were up, the cake was ready (it's not a lie!), and everyone had the presents ready. The Parteks were also with everyone.

Rukia stepped out first and went over to the substitute shinigami. "Ichigo! Did you know that call boxes were larger on the inside?" she asked.

A tall man wearing a suit and sneakers stepped out. "Actually, it's only just-BLOODY HELL THAT'S A LOT OF DALEKS!" Before he could retreat, one of them approached.

**"WOULD YOU LIKE A BANANA DAIQUIRI?" **The Partek asked. The Doctor stared in disbelief.

"Don't worry, they're safe!" Wolf shouted while coming out. "I built them myself! They only get violent if you're a party crasher."

Meanwhile, everyone was handing their presents to Rukia.

She got an Ichigo plushie from Icewind (later she denied any accusations about hugging it tightly when she thought no one was looking), a bunny plushie from Ichigo (he managed to get one very quickly-for this he was hugged until he turned blue), a pencil case decorated with bunnies from Noah (he received the same treatment as Ichigo), and...the "Book of Bunny Suicides" from Wolf (who then ran around the house laughing while being chased by an angry shinigami.)

Throughout the party, the Parteks shouted **"CELEBRATE. CELEBRATE. CELEBRATE." **Though when they saw the Doctor having one too many Daiquiris, they changed it to **"INEBRIATE. INEBRIATE. INEBRIATE."**

Noah tried without sucess to figure out why the punch tasted kind of funny. He joined the "drunk" group.

Eventually, everyone except Rukia and Ichigo joined.

O0O

PHEW! FINISHED!

Happy Birthday, Rukia!

Oh! A quick explanation of terms before I wrap this up!

Writer's Block- an object that latches on to authors and prevents them from using their powers.

Plot Hole- a literal hole in the fabric of time and space

Disclaimer-a ward that prevents alteration to a document. If proof of ownership is shown, it will be broken.

Partek-a type of Dalek created by Wolf. Does not attempt to bring harm to anyone unless they are crashing a party. Otherwise, they help with decorations, serving food and drink, and do whatever they can to livin up a party.

That's it!


End file.
